Now that school is back in session, Montville Youth Service Bureau’s After-School Program is in full swing for kids in fourth through 12th grade.
“We’re at full capacity with 60 kids and a waiting list,” said Barbara Lockhart, MYSB director. The after-school program, now in its sixth year, serves families in Montville, regardless of where their children attend school.
“Kids come here from many different schools. We have a diverse group of kids in terms of age, ethnic background, socio-economic status,” she said. “We operate very smoothly—like a family. A lot of my kids have been return participants, some for five or six years.”
Lockhart and MYSB are a resource for parents and families, as well as a source of activities and programs. One of Lockhart’s big concerns with society today is bullying.
“Bullying isn’t always about pushing someone around on the playground. In this day and age, with Internet and cell phones, it has become a more covert operation. But the pain and emotional distress that kids experience is just the same.”
Although most schools have zero-tolerance policies, she said, it is important for parents to stay connected with their kids.
“Parents need to look for signs of their child either being bullied, or of being the bully,” she said. “Watch for behavior changes, changes in their grades or school performance.”
Lockhart said that middle school is a particularly difficult and awkward time for kids, so parents really need to listen to them through the turmoil.
“Keep an open line of communication all the time. Never tell your kids ‘We’ll talk about this later, I’m too busy right now.’ If your child is willing to have a conversation with you about that, you should be listening.”
Lockhart agrees with school administrators that parents should nip bullying in the bud and quickly contact the school or organization with their concerns.
“Parents should never adopt the ‘this is a right of passage and boys will be boys [attitude]. Get to the bottom of it as soon as possible. Go to your school administrators and talk to them. Don’t let it escalate to a point where your child either is thinking of or retaliates on their own.”
Although the after-school program is less structured than the school day, Lockhart said she still tries to keep its policies relatively consistent with the schools, right up to dress code.
Lockhart said she is proud of how Montville Youth Service strives to prevent bullying among its students.
“We just try to encourage positive social relationships,” she said.Staff is selected to be good role models and mentors for the kids, involved in sports and other activities.
“We’re in the business of kids feeling good about themselves,” said Lockhart. One of the objectives of the broad age range of the youth center is for children of different ages to get to know each other so graduations from one school to the next will be easier.
Tips to Remedy Bullying
Bullying is when one child picks on another child repeatedly. Bullying can be physical, verbal, or social. It can happen at school, on the playground, on the school bus, in the neighborhood, or over the Internet.
When Your Child is Bullied
Help your child learn how to respond by teaching your child how to:
1. Look the bully in the eye.
2. Stand tall and stay calm in a difficult situation.
3. Walk away.
Teach your child how to say in a firm voice:
1. “I don’t like what you are doing.”
2. “Please do not talk to me like that.”
3. “Why would you say that?”
Teach your child when and how to ask for help.
When Your Child is the Bully
• Be sure your child knows that bullying is never OK.
• Set firm and consistent limits on your child’s aggressive behavior.
• Be a positive role model. Show children they can get what they want without teasing, threatening, or hurting someone.
• Use effective, non-physical discipline, such as loss of privileges.
• Develop practical solutions with the school principal, teachers, counselors, and parents of the children your child has bullied.
When Your Child is a Bystander
• Tell your child not to cheer on or even quietly watch bullying.
• Encourage your child to tell a trusted adult about the bullying.
• Help your child support other children who may be bullied. Encourage your child to include these children in activities.
• Encourage your child to join with others in telling bullies to stop.
Source: Montville Youth Service Bureau. For more information, visit www.montvilleyouth.org.